Is reading self-help and pop psychology books a hobby? If it is, I’ve been quite prolific this year!
Here are some books that I’ve found useful for examining the inner self and taking positive steps forward. These are all books I’ve read in the last year, and this list is not intended to be comprehensive by any means (obviously, I’ve read a lot of books that have changed me – these are just the ones I’ve read lately).
Read them? Let me know what you thought! Have others you think I should read? Let me know!
How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy, by Jenny Odell
This is probably #1 on the list of “books that have messed me up and made me re-think everything about myself” lately. As I’ve been largely unemployed since the beginning of the year with only part-time contract work, I’ve really had a lot of time to sit back and think about my relationship to my working self and my productivity. What I had not realized before I read this was how much of my time, energy, and attention I spent thinking about being productive – literally, making profit. How much of my self-worth was tied up in my ability to produce results and complete goals, and not in a self-improvement kind of way, but in a I am nobody without results kind of way. This was huge for me because it helped me refocus my lens back on my values and priorities. When I think about my values, making profit is not one of them. So why was this receiving so much of my attention? Instead, I need to take a holistic view of myself and work on better aligning what I pay attention to and what I put my energy into with what I actually value.
Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think, by Tasha Eurich
My biggest takeaway here was the difference between rumination and insight. I’ve always been an introspective person – I think a lot about myself, what I do, and why I do it, and often this borders (okay, crosses over the border) on overthinking. I replay the same instance or conversation over and over again, but gain no new insight or perspective. Instead, I stew in the injustice and disappointment. This is rumination, not insight. Insight is taking whatever event and learning from it as you move forward. Can you consider the other person’s perspective? Can you change how you act next time? Insightful people are not the ones who think about themselves a lot – they are the ones who think about themselves just enough to learn something new. You can access supplementary materials for the book here.
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brené Brown
The main idea here is that holding onto self-defeating thoughts is keeping our attention focused on perfection, rather than on what our gifts actually are. This focus on perfection gets in the way of our abilities to connect with others and have self-compassion for ourselves. We get stuck in cycles of pain and trauma – however, by shifting our inner dialogues to be accepting of our weaknesses and working in our daily lives to bolster our resilience, we can free ourselves from these cycles and embrace connection and grace. By seeing our imperfections as gifts, we can live in abundance with ourselves and others. This books is split into easy-to-digest sections that focus on different gits, followed by exercises and ideas for incorporating the different gifts into our life. Often, self-help can feel abstract, but this one frames abstract concepts in practical, grounded activities that you can practice. You can find supplementary worksheets and downloads here.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Instagram therapists are kind of a cool thing right now, and attachment styles are kind of a cool thing with Instagram therapists (see @silvykhoucasian). Basically, an attachment style is your long-term method of coming at a relationship – it influences how you react to needs and how you try to illicit getting your needs met by your partner. There are three basic types: secure, anxious, and avoidant. These are a spectrum, but most people identify most with one particular type.
Learning my type and how that has influenced my behaviors and decisions was eye-opening. First, it wasn’t terribly flattering, and that realization forced me to take a good, hard look at what my patterns of behaviors were and why they were that way. This book is a really good introduction to the topic, and it also makes it really easy to find your type (and your partners) and explains how your type affects different aspects of your relationship and what you can do to improve.
Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, by Martin E. P. Seligman
Seligman is a proponent of Positive Psychology. His idea here is that happiness isn’t enough to make life worth living – instead, we need to be building meaning in our relationships, work, and self. Through cultivating meaningful relationships, activities, and work that puts you in the flow state, you can achieve well-being. Well-being is a higher goal than happiness, as happiness is fleeting and often based on outside circumstances, and well-being is the deliberate, on-going process of curating significance for your own life. This includes emotional resilience, fulfillment, and engaging work. This encourages you to reflect on your experiences at work and with others – are you spending time making meaning or chasing happiness?
pieces of paper (cranes & airplanes) 